Nicole Comis - Certified Life Coach
"Nothing has more potential for enhancing one's sense of well-being than effectively loving and being loved." -Gary Chapman
When I decided to read, “The 5 Love Languages” by Gary Chapman as a way to support my clients in creating more fulfilling marriages, I had no idea it would also change the future of all my relationships!
Chapman's theory is that each one of us has one primary and one secondary love language. He explains how speaking your significant other’s love language is an important piece to them feeling loved, contributing to a more fulfilling marriage.
Although the intention of the book is to help married couples develop stronger relationships, discovering my love languages opened my eyes to how I could create more fulfilling relationships in every area of my life.
Since I believe understanding your own needs is the foundation of having strong, healthy, and successful relationships I'm going to put a different spin on Chapman’s theory and share why I think it’s important for you to discover YOUR love languages.
First, let’s do a quick rundown of each of the 5 Love Languages …
Words of Affirmation
Hearing, “I love you!” is SUPER important to you, but you also crave compliments and being told that you are appreciated.
Acts of Service
You know the saying, “Actions speak louder than words”? You feel loved when someone does something to make your life easier.
Receiving a thoughtful gift makes you feel important; however, these gifts have nothing to do with being materialistic. They mean that someone is thinking about you, which you see as evidence that they value your relationship.
If this is your Love Language, you’re probably a pretty touchy-feely person, and you feel emotionally satisfied when you have physical contact. Not only do you like being physically close to the people you love, i.e., cuddling on the couch, holding hands, etc., but you also feel connected to the people in your life when there is a physical exchange.
Quality time is not to be confused with quantity time. It’s not about how much time you spend together that counts as much as it’s about how connected you feel during the time you are together! If this is your love language, having quality conversations is probably really important to you.
Learning your primary and secondary love language will support you in understanding what you need in order to feel valued in every relationship in your life.
Don't get me wrong...each love language contributes to having successful relationships, but if your primary love languages are neglected chances are you’ll feel disconnected and unsatisfied in that relationship.
For example, quality time is my primary love language and receiving gifts is the least important to me, so I would much rather have my friends go out with me to celebrate my birthday rather than have them buy gifts. But you better believe my heart lights up if one of my nephews (or one of the special kiddos in my life) gives me a gift they made.
What makes you feel that someone cares about you?
If you don’t know, an excellent way to figure it out is to think about how you show others you care about them. After all, most of us treat the people the way we want to be treated.
Discovering your love languages is the foundation to having healthy and fulfilling relationships, but ultimately it’s your responsibility to use that information to make sure you are getting your needs met.
Once I realized quality conversations was my key to feeling connected, I was able to reinvent the relationships in my life and create new ones that meet my needs. Now, my relationships are stronger and more fulfilling than they have ever been.
Are you ready to Learn Your Love Language?!?
Nicole Comis, Certified Life Coach, partners with busy professionals to create and accomplish goals that allow them to live a happy, healthy, and fulfilling life. She works with her clients to face their fears and the things that are holding them back, gain clarity on what they want their life to look like and create a plan for them to live that life. Her clients gain access to living a more balanced lifestyle with a successful and fulfilling career, authentic relationships, more energy, and killer confidence.